I had just made my move back to Zurich official, as one does in the age of digital, by posting on social media. But of course the carefully chosen words accompanying the selected pictures didn't really do justice to the emotional state I was in. The pictures showed the beauty of Chicago and the fun moments with friends - at a festival, at a wedding, at CrossFit. Lifestyle pictures, of course. But the truth is, as much as I enjoyed my time in the US, it just didn't feel like it could become my "home". I had fallen in love twice in Chicago. Ironically the first girl was part of the reason I stayed there after grad school. And the second time around I wasn't able anymore to commit to a place based on one single person that may or may not become part of my life in the long run.  So, as much as my desired self-image of Mr. International and World-Traveler didn't let me admit it, I was looking forward to get home.

It's December 23rd, 2018 and I'm sitting in the Swiss lounge at Chicago O'Hare airport. Better than most places in the terminal of this systemically overcrowded airport, but not where one really wants to be on a Sunday evening before Christmas. I probably had a beer already while writing my "goodbye"-post. But in the midst of those emotions, it seemed like a good idea to have another one. Once on board and in the air, I granted myself two of the little wine-bottles they serve in economy before trying to get my 6-foot body into that seat in a way that would allow me to get some rest. Needless to say I didn't sleep much on this 8.5h flight, and the little I did was numbed by the alcohol in my system. I had just broken my "drink only water on travel days" rule for the first time in about 2 years. And I would feel it for a couple days after, as adjusting to jetlag was going to be harder than usual.

Even though this all happened end of 2018, it really was the beginning of my 2019. For one, I was back home and ready to settle in. And secondly, I decided that morning of December 24th, 2018 not to drink any alcohol for a week to make up for breaking my travel rules. A decision that should prove somewhat game-changing for the year to come.